


Confession

by Braxdovah



Category: Vampire: The Masquerade, White Wolf
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23779345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Braxdovah/pseuds/Braxdovah
Summary: “Forgive me, Father, for your childer is only a monster and no longer a saint...”
Relationships: Levi/Joachim





	Confession

How long has it been...  
Joachim’s fingers idly toy with the high banded collar at his throat, as he paces for a moment in the candle-lit chapel. Though he remembers how to wear the vestments of an ordained priest, his own distance from his faith and life of service have made him less than comfortable in them, and in houses of worship.  
A quick glance to the watch on his wrist will bring him to steel himself, to take a deep breath that he doesn't need before he moves towards the confessional. Briefly his thoughts will drift as he takes a seat, hands folded and posture straight, mind working over a myriad of topics - how many times he's listened to confessions and given empty absolutions, how long it's been since he last heard Levi’s voice, the circumstances that brought him there that evening, and just how easily he exerted his will over the priests to ensure that their meeting tonight remains private.  
Shouldn't be long now... 

Soft humming passes by the door of the booth but no one enters for a moment. The click of a lighter echoes and then the Lord’s prayer in Romanian from near the altar. He seems to be laughing to himself as he settles on the other side of the booth. “It is fun to try and see if I can still pray. Hopefully, lightning won’t strike until after I leave.” The shutter opens. “Vergib mir Vater, denn ich habe gesündigt.”

For a moment he's grateful for the screen between them, unable to resist the shiver that runs over him at the sound of his native language uttered by his wayward childe.  
"Provided that you've made no deals with Devils, Levi, I assume that He will forgive you." Joachim's hands are clasped tightly to keep them from working nervously over the trinkets he still wears about his wrists. "... Thank you for coming."

“Do you want me to confess my sins or are you ready to tell me what drove you from that bitch?” The word comes out with dripping with venom and Joachim can feel Levi staring at him thru the screen for just a moment. “You needed someone that is not in any House. Why?” His tone has resumed utter boredom. 

“I haven't taken confessions in over a decade, I don't intend to start again now,” Joachim’s words are quiet, and guarded.  
“... Callistus has lost his mind and taken the rest of the House with it,” He sighs softly. “And where his opinions go, the rest of the clan’s go, it seems. Even now they align themselves in such a way as to line up for an inevitable slaughter.” 

“Then leave them to it. Come join the Anarchs. Be treated with respect for your skills. Leave the hypocrisy behind. No one will force their will over you or dirty your hands by association.” Levi’s voice carries a note of yearning. “The Tower is corrupted. There will never be justice from within for those in power.” There is a soft tapping as he is nervous. 

The frustration in Joachim's voice rings true, as his tone becomes sharp.  
"It isn't so easy to run away, Leviticus - it may have been for you, but it isn't for me." He sighs angrily, and through the screen that separates them, Levi can see the outline of his sire as he raises his hand to his forehead for a moment.  
"I'm sorry, that was unfair of me. Were I to leave, I'd simply be leaving one line for the slaughter to jump to the head of another - Callistus and Costanza won't let me leave. They've made it quite clear that I am... Without a say in the matter, even as they made my worth and position in the pecking order of the House quite clear."  
As he speaks, the anger leaves his voice, leaving in its wake defeat.

Levi sighs and his head thumps against the wall. “We could protect you. Does she really mean that much more to you?” There is a the shifting of him moving around and the lighter clicks once more. His next words hang heavy with smoke. “They think I have a Cam sire that would happily kill me and my allies if he locates me. Costanza has no respect for Anarachs, she would never expect this defiance from you.” 

Joachim is silent for several long minutes, as if weighing both Levi’s words and his response.  
“... It feels as if my trials have never ended,” For the first time, the Mystic sounds genuinely tired, as if the weight of his years is finally registering. “I am no better than a neonate in the House, and in our clan, regardless of my achievements. I do not love her, Levi.”  
From Joachim’s side, there comes the faint sound of metal against metal as he gives in at last to begin toying with the trinkets hanging from his wrists.  
“... Costanza would not expect it, nor would Callistus,” He concedes. “... It would surprise Arias, Leadseigh... And then I would be summarily hunted down and destroyed. The territories I’ve claimed in Los Angeles would be lost to me as well... Everything I have worked for, Levi, would be lost to me... And because I have so little and have fought for it so hard, it feels like an utter defeat to lose it all.” 

“Who have you become? You sound like a Ventrue wringing his hands for the approval of his Praetor. Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat. When did my sire turn to begging for scraps? Sta frimitir.” The last two words are exhaled more than stated. 

There comes the sound of skin against wood as Joachim’s fist impacts the side of the confessional, a rare display of anger from the Magister.  
“I became what she wanted me to become, and still it is not enough!” He hisses, his tone of voice enough to indicate that despite his humane nature, Joachim’s Beast lies close to the surface. “I do not... I don’t know, anymore, Levi... I don’t know who I am or who any of my supposed clanmates are anymore...” 

“Then be who you were. There is a tube under the bench.” Levi stands in the booth. “I should go.” 

“... Bitte...”  
The words escape Joachim before he even registers that he’s speaking.  
“Bitte geh nicht...” Joachim’s voice lacks it’s usual calm composure, instead filled with pain and a sense of desperation. “Everything and everyone has turned away from me in this moment - not you too...” 

Bitter words echo in the tiny space. “Și ce te privesc din nou, se estompeze, atunci când ea te iartă. Atunci când ea te fură de la mine din nou.” A phone buzzes and he groans in annoyance. “Ignore it. I had an alarm set.” 

“... Nu vreau iertare, Levi ... Eu nu vreau să merg înapoi...” Joachim sighs. “Eu stau pe o prăpastie ... Într-un fel mă tem de această decizie mai mult decât mă tem de adâncurile abisului... And if you feel inclined to mock me and call me weak for it, then so be it - for if so then I am truly alone.” 

“Look under the bench. You do not fear the Abyss, we both know that. And if you do, she is attempting to ruin you.” Levi voice is imperious and bears the slightest tinge a plea. “I haven’t been mocking you. I am trying to show you a better path than letting them treat you like a potential. I am treated as more of a member of the clan I am using to protect myself than you are in the House that demanded you.” 

Joachim is silent for a moment, the only sound escaping his side of the confessional being the slow hiss of shadows as he manipulates them to retrieve the tube for him, settling it into his hands before they wrap protectively around him - a vain attempt at comfort.  
“... They treat Constance Fournier as a more respectable Lasombra,” He admits softly. “... Perhaps you are right, and perhaps the risk of taking the road less traveled would be...”  
His words trail off as he draws the painting from within the tube, his shadows moving to delicately unfurl it for him to gaze upon. 

“A twice outcast bitch that doesnt even have a praxis… You deserve better. Vincore Timorem.” Once again the words are exhaled rather than spoken. “I would need time but I was never returning while you were in House Silva you know that right? Not after what they did.” He sounds forlorn. 

Joachim remains silent for several long moments, gaze fixed on the painting as, within the shadows of the confessional, tears well in his dark eyes.  
"... I was never House Silva when you knew me... but I may as well have been..." His words are murmured, touched with sadness and longing. "She laid claim to me immediately after my accounting... sought to use and make a mockery of my purity, and even as I lost my faith, my identity... you... all the while she's kept me balancing on the razor's edge... And for what...?"  
He'll bury his face in his hands for a moment, trying to regain his composure, trying to deny how deeply the emotions he feels are affecting his thoughts and judgment.  
"... I don't want to go back.” He admits softly. “There’s nothing waiting for me there if I do." 

“I can get you committed to the Movement, any anarch can. But you will have to show them… us, you are serious. There won’t be anything to go back to.” There is a forced inhale of breath. “She has to pay for what she did. You taught me that. It would work for your hazing as well. Ruin her, leave her exposed and vulnerable.” Levi’s words are passionate and rushed. “Did she really make you fear the Abyss?” The question is hesitant and worried. 

Joachim's breath will catch in his throat, and for a moment Levi may as well be talking to a statue for all that the Magister moves or makes a sound.  
"... Everything is a test, isn't it?" Joachim's tone is dull and flat as he wills his shadows to carefully re-roll the painting, to slip it back into it's tube. "Prove this, conquer that, overcome these odds, accomplish this task... God I'm so tired of it all that I could scream, if only I had it in me."  
His hand will reach up to tug away the white banded collar of the priesthood he no longer serves, casting it aside without a care.  
"... She has made me fear it, but not for the reasons you might think. I do not fear it because of her disapproval. I have come to fear it because it is my only solace and respite - the only time when I don't think of her and what she wants or needs... or whether the usage of this or that specific word in this sentence at this time was a test that I could have performed more appropriately on." Joachim's words are genuinely mournful. "She has tainted the last joy that remained in my world." 

“Trials are our way but compared to what has gone before this is nothing. Why would you let her do that to you? I am giving you a way to fight back. She deserves to pay for it. You were not a potential, you had achieved embrace.” Levi snarls in frustration. “She was fucking maiming you. At least, I was left some of my fingers.” 

"What else was I to do, Levi? Open myself up to the sanctions of my Elders, be recalled to the House and treated like a ghoul - oh wait, that last bit happened..." Joachim's voice is bitter. "I'm well aware of what was done to me - by her chipping away at me, by Callistus in his madness... by Arias' lack of a backbone or desire to speak against his beloved sister... But I was so desperate to believe that it would be worthwhile once I became an Elder as they were... only to see that in the end, Callistus reigns with an iron fist and madness-blinded eyes, only seeing to his own desires, and those who do not fall in line are spoken over or cast aside in favor of his lust-addled daughter or his whore-queen."  
There is a moment of silence before Joachim speaks again.  
"... I'm stepping out of this confessional. I'm not a priest anymore, Levi, and I haven't been for a very long time. It doesn't suit either of us to pretend to believe in God anymore, or to huddle in these confines playing games." 

“Momento mori.” Levi steps out, dressed in a tailored black suit. The tie is loosened and other details are askew. He is clearly agitated and ready to bolt. 

Joachim will pause for a few moments, before stepping out as well. The Magister's dark eyes will immediately seek out Levi, sweeping over the details of the younger Lasombra's attire, his appearance. In the otherwise empty church, Joachim won't keep his shadows from wrapping protectively about himself - behavior that Levi has never seen from him before, as if he's trying to keep the world at bay. In his arms, he holds tight to the tube containing the painting, and despite the years that have passed between them, the Magister looks as human as ever... But there is a distinct weariness to his gaze, a haunted look to his eyes and a wariness about him that was never there before.  
"... You look... well," He manages after a moment. 

“You look like hell. I am going to destroy them.” His eyes scan over Joachim slowly. His left hand reaching up to play with the chain around his throat. “Well, you going to join me or not?” The younger vampire is attempting to stay still but keeps scanning for a trap laid by his sire or more likely those in his house. 

"I feel like hell," Joachim confesses. His own hands will move carefully to undo the buttons of the cassock he donned for their meeting - as the long coat is undone, it's apparent that Joachim has changed quite a bit since the last time sire and childe saw one another, if the hints of the corsetry that Levi can glimpse beneath the coat and shadows are any indication. He still, however, wears the black-gemmed ring of House Silva on one hand.  
"You'll be destroying no one, Levi, as apparently it's me that has to do the destroying... of Costanza at least," Some things never change, however, if the discomfort that passes over his features at the mention of harming another is any indication. 

“You intend to impose your will on me so soon, sire.” Levi hooks his fingers on his left hand under the bottom edge of the corsetry. He leans in as he speaks nearly pressing them chest to chest. “This is a temporary truce. Our game will resume once you are fully yourself again.” The scent of mezcal lingers on his lips. 

"A temporary truce?" Joachim's tone darkens immediately at the word temporary, though his eyes remain fixed on Levi as if drinking in the sight of the other man along with his scent. "Temporary..."  
Joachim's shadows unravel from their protective embrace around their master, retreating from the two men in the candle-lit church.  
"What use have I for your little Anarch movement then, Levi, if you'll continue to work against me? Undermine me, try to destroy me and for what... I gave you immortality. I gave you power. I gave you everything!" Joachim's voice grows in volume as he speaks, crimson brimming at the corners of his eyes. "And then you ran, you ran when I needed you the most and yet I'm the villain in your foolish little passion play!?" 

Levi snarls and pushes Joachim away. “Gave me immortality, power and then what? You let that bitch twist you. Maim, destroy, you kept testing to prove I would be good enough for her standards. You knew, you knew if you had presented me she would find some flaw, some excuse to rip us apart. I could have destroyed you, put this all behind me. That was never my goal, only to show you what you could have with me!” He finishes his tirade, yelling and panting.  
"I did what I thought I had to do at the time, Levi, for us!" Joachim snarls, advancing on his childe without hesitation. "I knew you weren't ready for them, for the Tower - I wouldn't let them ruin you and I thought I would gain the power and prestige I needed to protect you! All I ever wanted was to be with you - this isn't my fault! And you couldn't destroy me even if you wanted to - otherwise you'd have done when you had the chance!" Joachim’s retort will only cease when he’s mere inches from Levi, eyes filled with intermingled hurt and anger. 

Levi’s stance shifts and he scowls. “I didn’t want to. I should have wanted to.” His words are petulant and he jerks back, turning to walk away. “I should hate you but I don’t.” 

"Don't..."  
Joachim's eyes will widen, and as the tears he's been holding back finally spill down his cheeks, the Mystic makes his move.  
From the ground below Levi, five masterfully crafted tendrils of shadow will spring forth, seeking to ensnare the other man in their grasp - not seeking to hurt, simply wrapped about him tightly enough to keep him from leaving.  
"Not like this. We aren't parting ways like this. I've spent too long these last few years walking away from every encounter with other Magisters filled with anger or sorrow - I'm not parting ways with you like that tonight." 

Levi yelps, and tries to pull away. When that fails, he looks sullen and wary. “Let go of me. You know how I feel about…” His words trail off as the tendrils reaffirm their grip.The trembling in the young man’s limbs is just barely visible in the candlelight. 

"Stop running away from me and I'll stop having to use them," Joachim's response is uttered softly, from just over Levi's shoulder - the Magister having closed distance between the two of them. His arms will slip around Levi, and for just a few moments, Joachim's body will be pressed against Levi's back. The grip of his shadows will release, slowly, but his embrace remains. 

Levi leans back reflexively before tensing. “What is your intention with me then? I will not join your Tower. What are you desiring between the two of us?” 

"I would not ask you to join the Tower - it isn't for you, and you've made that clear." Joachim's lips will move near Levi's ear as he speaks. "... But I do not know that I am ready to burn it to the ground. What I am ready for, and what I do ask of you, is to ally with me long enough to burn Callistus and Costanza to ashes... That I might finally be free."  
His hands will move slowly as he speaks, simply touching, always holding Levi close.  
"Maybe then one day I will finally have what we have both desired between us... Or perhaps you will achieve your goal of ruining me and my virtue." 

Levi groans and nods slowly. “We ally, destroy the two of them and then figure us out. You have ways to reach me. I will work on the contacts I have to soften her up.” He leans back hesitantly. “I did miss you.” 

Joachim's lips will brush against Levi's' ear gently.  
"And I've missed you... My heart died when you left me. The first time I felt anything in ages was the evening I realized you'd visited me... I've never forgotten the taste of the kiss you left me..." The Magister's voice is filled with longing and restrained desire. 

Levi squirms in Joachim's grip, a slight flush creeping over his neck. “I should go. You know how to reach me.” He whimpers softly and reaches back to push himself out of his sire’s arms reluctantly. His voice is strained with emotion and want. 

Joachim will let Levi go reluctantly, one hand reaching out to trail fingers through his childe's hair as he goes.  
"I wish you wouldn't but... yes, I know how to reach you..." He murmurs softly, gaze fixed on him. "And I will..." 

“Promise?” Levi stumbles the first few steps, unsteady on his feet. Joachim’s fingers catch in the black ribbon he uses to keep his hair from his face, and it falls loose. Once he gains his feet again, Levi bolts for the door. The sound of him starting the bike and flooding the engine happens twice before it roars off.


End file.
